lots of questions

I braved the below freezing temperatures and brisk wind today to pay a visit to the garden pond. This morning I realized it was very, very iced over when I saw a bright gold figure suspended motionless in the water. As I headed out with boiling water and heavy hammer, I hoped the poor little thing wasn’t trapped in the ice. I was glad to see the goldfish (I couldn’t see if it was Jacob or Boaz) disappear into the deeper end. It took great effort to break thru the 1½ inch thick ice. I finally was successful, and none too soon. My hands were beginning to feel numb.

If only I had paid more attention and dealt with icy conditions as necessary. If only I had tended to the maintenance when required. I hate to admit there were leaves frozen into the ice. If only I had taken a few minutes to clean them from the surface. Since I failed to do so, the bottom is covered with leaves, pine needles, and twigs. I know what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, and how it needs to be done. Jake and Boaz depend on me (or hubby) for a happy little life. They don’t ask for much, and they have given me hours of enjoyment. If only...

How often have I regretted that I didn’t ‘do’, ‘say’, or ‘go’? It’s not like I don’t know what I should do, when I should do it, or how I should do it. And when I don’t know these things, I do know where I can find the answers. How many times have I missed an opportunity? How many times have I been a disappointment? How many times have I failed to do the right thing? How many times...? And still, why are there so many times I say “if only...”?

I feel regretful when evening comes, and I have wasted an entire day. I feel guilty when I don’t spend more time alone with God. I feel disgraceful when I don’t spend more time in the Word of God. I feel sorrowful when I don’t spend more time talking to God. I feel shameful when I don’t spend more time in the house of God...

Regret, guilt, disgrace, sorrow, shame...

And tomorrow, I’ll wake up and try all over again, and He will be right there with me. Whether I’m in the grocery store, taking a nap, working out at the gym, dusting the den, having lunch with a friend, driving from here to there, or whatever or wherever – He will be right there with me. He will be right there with me. Anywhere, everywhere, right there – He will be right there with me.

That’s the only way I can do anything at all – with God The Father, His Son Jesus Christ, and The Holy Spirit...right there with me...

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:9 NAS